Drug use while schizophrenic
Wonderful. Full of wonder, as my twelfth grade English teacher used to say. After that morning spat of almost shitting myself because by partner's sexuality takes precedent in this household over my basic bodily functions, I kinda slunk into a funk, having seen how he got ANOTHER thing of DXM, and I did good preoccupying myself with some good writing. But it's not enough. I'm alone. Forsaken by anyone who could care to be surrounded by liars and manipulators.
Naturally, I think about drinking. So I go to my random word generator to do a psychic TRI interface, and it first gives me "dimensional." The things that I freely associate from that are in the realm of thinking in more of a bigger picture. I then roll again to get "recommendation," which is, of course, followed by "lean," and I do it again to get "political," which harkens back to a lot of what I experience as "the CIA," whatever that could be, as sending me a message to go complete my mission of creating a shitshow just by existing as myself in this society.
And I go to get my first thing of DXM in over two months. The guy outside is talking about Hinduism with his friends, which I just posted a picture that made me think some things from that, supporting my ideas. I then buy it, with some foodstuffs, and on the way out I hear, "Better on the streets," followed by "Yea, I saw you." Later on the bike ride back, a woman was yelling "buy, buy, buy!" in an angry manner.
This is of course Karma, the procedural generation of reality based on how we entangle ourselves by setting our intention in every moment. Obviously. How can you not think that? Are you ignorant? Ālaya-vijñāna? No, I hardly no her.
And here's where I'm in two worlds: I'm in gnosis, so I Know God and some of how shit works in the topological matrix, but then I'm left with the task of explaining what I know in a way that won't sound crazy af, which causes me to simulate random potential members of the audience with my empathy, and I see my own words, and I realize the task is impossible.
Because I CAN understand YOU well enough to simulate your perspective. Can you do the same with me? No one tries. They bitch when I'm unruly, but I'm unruly because I'm alone and being manipulated on a daily basis. I feel like killing myself, but I won't. I hurt. I cry. The only person to give me a hug is a spiritual vampire. Maybe? Sometimes he's wonderful, but is that love bombing? He feigned ignorance of that, yet somehow read several books on propaganda and brainwashing and demonstrates mastery of so much therein.
And the "political" part? I *may* be getting arrested. I previously *KNEW* I was going to be arrested, but that was because the man I love lied and said he had HIV and a warrant to spin this story of what we, the self-evident CIA Mockingbirds, were doing. Now I don't know. I might become homeless in a month, because this lying piece of shit has fucked with my head every. Single. Fucking. Day.
So obviously I'm insane, and I can kill any number of human beings and eat them to THEN fuck them, and get away with it scot free when the case is thrown out as my rights were violated several times. Maybe? I might be going to Kangaroo Court as fake Charles Manson in some Illuminati MKULTRA ritual sacrifice, so why not fuck around right now?
HoW cAn I dO aNyThInG?! I'm losing my mind!!!
But the DXM makes me right well.
https://www.reddit.com/r/cultofcrazycrackheads/s/vmCiBfB4Gi
Naturally, I think about drinking. So I go to my random word generator to do a psychic TRI interface, and it first gives me "dimensional." The things that I freely associate from that are in the realm of thinking in more of a bigger picture. I then roll again to get "recommendation," which is, of course, followed by "lean," and I do it again to get "political," which harkens back to a lot of what I experience as "the CIA," whatever that could be, as sending me a message to go complete my mission of creating a shitshow just by existing as myself in this society.
And I go to get my first thing of DXM in over two months. The guy outside is talking about Hinduism with his friends, which I just posted a picture that made me think some things from that, supporting my ideas. I then buy it, with some foodstuffs, and on the way out I hear, "Better on the streets," followed by "Yea, I saw you." Later on the bike ride back, a woman was yelling "buy, buy, buy!" in an angry manner.
This is of course Karma, the procedural generation of reality based on how we entangle ourselves by setting our intention in every moment. Obviously. How can you not think that? Are you ignorant? Ālaya-vijñāna? No, I hardly no her.
And here's where I'm in two worlds: I'm in gnosis, so I Know God and some of how shit works in the topological matrix, but then I'm left with the task of explaining what I know in a way that won't sound crazy af, which causes me to simulate random potential members of the audience with my empathy, and I see my own words, and I realize the task is impossible.
Because I CAN understand YOU well enough to simulate your perspective. Can you do the same with me? No one tries. They bitch when I'm unruly, but I'm unruly because I'm alone and being manipulated on a daily basis. I feel like killing myself, but I won't. I hurt. I cry. The only person to give me a hug is a spiritual vampire. Maybe? Sometimes he's wonderful, but is that love bombing? He feigned ignorance of that, yet somehow read several books on propaganda and brainwashing and demonstrates mastery of so much therein.
And the "political" part? I *may* be getting arrested. I previously *KNEW* I was going to be arrested, but that was because the man I love lied and said he had HIV and a warrant to spin this story of what we, the self-evident CIA Mockingbirds, were doing. Now I don't know. I might become homeless in a month, because this lying piece of shit has fucked with my head every. Single. Fucking. Day.
So obviously I'm insane, and I can kill any number of human beings and eat them to THEN fuck them, and get away with it scot free when the case is thrown out as my rights were violated several times. Maybe? I might be going to Kangaroo Court as fake Charles Manson in some Illuminati MKULTRA ritual sacrifice, so why not fuck around right now?
HoW cAn I dO aNyThInG?! I'm losing my mind!!!
But the DXM makes me right well.
https://www.reddit.com/r/cultofcrazycrackheads/s/vmCiBfB4Gi